Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.

Fav 13 2012 796
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.

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(317): View more from Indiana

We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.

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