Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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