so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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