Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
