I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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