My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
