How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
