We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
