So drunk its hurt
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
