i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
