hell yes lets make some ravioli
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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