Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
