Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
