She said her name was "party"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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