my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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