apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
