Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
