i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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