so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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