Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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