Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A bitchslap is in order.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
