my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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