peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
