i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
