Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
