Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
