He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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