1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
