You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
