The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize