U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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