Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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