The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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