I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
