apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
