I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize