Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
