i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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