I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
