My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
