I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
