I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
