I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
