i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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