i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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