i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize