she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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