my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
