you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize