Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
