Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm passing your future prison.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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