I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
